In February of 2009 , I was diagnosed with heart failure , also known as A Fib ( atrial fibrillation ; abnormal heart beat ). It was a long time coming. By that , I mean I'd had it to some degree for years , and didn't know it. I had some minor breathing problems before , but never connected them to this condition. Now , when I remember those experiences , I know what the cause was.
While walking home from work ( Tyson of monett ) early one morning , in mid September 2008 , my heart beat changed for the worst. That was when it really started , the early stage of heart failure. It was now beating rapidly and erratically. At the time , I really didn't give it much thought. My heart had done the same on occasion over the years , as far back as the late eighties , I think , and each time , returned to a normal rhythm.
It lasted more than a few hours , and then returned to normal by the time I left for work later that day. Then , about a week later , it again went out of rhythm , and this time , did not return to normal. I told myself that it was only temporary. It wasn't. It continued week after week , and month after month.
Between the months of September and October , I felt alright , although I was starting to develop some breathing problems , which would worsen while lying down. I thought it was allergy related. And I was also steadily gaining weight , due to fluid retention.
The breathing problems continued to worsen throughout January and February. It was hard to sleep because of extreme shortness of breath , and most nights , I couldn't sleep at all. I would be so exhausted the next morning , that I would fall asleep immediately.
One night , on a weekend , I walked over to Ramey's for some beer ( I was drinking like a fish since about the first half of 2005 ) and had the most intense stomach pain. Around the end of January , I developed edema of the legs. I remember walking home one night , with my rubber boots on , and not being able to get them off right away. They were also frozen ; it was below freezing and there was ice and snow on the ground.
I really had no idea what was wrong with me. It never occurred to me that it might be heart failure. There was a history of heart disease on my Mom's side of the family. Her two older brothers died of heart attacks in their thirties , when she was a kid. She also died of a heart attack at sixty-one. It never occurred to me that it could happened to me ( and still could ). I've always been the heaviest one in my family.
January and February were the worst months. The simple task of walking to and from work - which before had been so easy - was now almost impossible ; at least , that's how it felt. It felt like I was running a marathon instead of walking.
I went to work in this condition every day , not realizing that I could have a heart attack or a stroke. I didn't want to go to work. I had to. I couldn't afford to stay home ; I had rent to pay.
The last straw came February 22nd. I couldn't sleep at all , and could barely breath , even while sitting up. My brother , and sister in law had to take me to the emergency room. I was admitted to the hospital , where I stayed for five days ( I can't remember how many times I've been there since ). The doctor I had , thought that my heart was damaged by excessive alcohol use.
A week later , I went into the hospital again , this time for a cardio version. They shocked my heart to get it back into rhythm. It worked. But , according to bad diet and weight gain , it didn't stay that way for long.
It's depressing living with a condition like this. It makes me feel like this part of my life is out of control. I want to go back to 2009 when it was under control. I don't know if I can do it on my own. It's overwhelming to me. Sometimes I think that it would just be easier to give up and let myself die.
While walking home from work ( Tyson of monett ) early one morning , in mid September 2008 , my heart beat changed for the worst. That was when it really started , the early stage of heart failure. It was now beating rapidly and erratically. At the time , I really didn't give it much thought. My heart had done the same on occasion over the years , as far back as the late eighties , I think , and each time , returned to a normal rhythm.
It lasted more than a few hours , and then returned to normal by the time I left for work later that day. Then , about a week later , it again went out of rhythm , and this time , did not return to normal. I told myself that it was only temporary. It wasn't. It continued week after week , and month after month.
Between the months of September and October , I felt alright , although I was starting to develop some breathing problems , which would worsen while lying down. I thought it was allergy related. And I was also steadily gaining weight , due to fluid retention.
The breathing problems continued to worsen throughout January and February. It was hard to sleep because of extreme shortness of breath , and most nights , I couldn't sleep at all. I would be so exhausted the next morning , that I would fall asleep immediately.
One night , on a weekend , I walked over to Ramey's for some beer ( I was drinking like a fish since about the first half of 2005 ) and had the most intense stomach pain. Around the end of January , I developed edema of the legs. I remember walking home one night , with my rubber boots on , and not being able to get them off right away. They were also frozen ; it was below freezing and there was ice and snow on the ground.
I really had no idea what was wrong with me. It never occurred to me that it might be heart failure. There was a history of heart disease on my Mom's side of the family. Her two older brothers died of heart attacks in their thirties , when she was a kid. She also died of a heart attack at sixty-one. It never occurred to me that it could happened to me ( and still could ). I've always been the heaviest one in my family.
January and February were the worst months. The simple task of walking to and from work - which before had been so easy - was now almost impossible ; at least , that's how it felt. It felt like I was running a marathon instead of walking.
I went to work in this condition every day , not realizing that I could have a heart attack or a stroke. I didn't want to go to work. I had to. I couldn't afford to stay home ; I had rent to pay.
The last straw came February 22nd. I couldn't sleep at all , and could barely breath , even while sitting up. My brother , and sister in law had to take me to the emergency room. I was admitted to the hospital , where I stayed for five days ( I can't remember how many times I've been there since ). The doctor I had , thought that my heart was damaged by excessive alcohol use.
A week later , I went into the hospital again , this time for a cardio version. They shocked my heart to get it back into rhythm. It worked. But , according to bad diet and weight gain , it didn't stay that way for long.
It's depressing living with a condition like this. It makes me feel like this part of my life is out of control. I want to go back to 2009 when it was under control. I don't know if I can do it on my own. It's overwhelming to me. Sometimes I think that it would just be easier to give up and let myself die.
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